First Person Negative

By Jason Warden

If I ever told you I loved you, I lied.

If you remember ever having my arms around you, you’re confused.

I don’t remember posting love notes on the fridge, and I don’t think how lucky I was.

I wasn’t.

I never think about what it was like. It was just another day.

The sand was not warm under our feet.

I didn’t buy a ring and hide it in a sandcastle.

You never said yes, I was never happy.

I don’t remember your face, your liar’s eyes, your whore’s lips.

If I saw you, my second thought wouldn’t be to kill you.

My first wouldn’t be to get you back.

You aren’t special, you never were, you never will be.

I don’t think about our kids or what they would be like.

In my mind they aren’t Jack, or Grace.

He doesn’t love yo-yos, she doesn’t have impossible curls, they weren’t made from love.

Their imaginary faces don’t burn my eyes.

I’m going to find peace in sleep.

I’m going love myself and take care of me.

I’m not going to hurt anymore.

I want to live forever.